It is really hard being the mom of a kid that bites. It is not something that is generally talked about or proudly announced by other moms. It is embarrassing, hurtful and frustrating for the parent and in most cases also for the child that bites. And unless you have a really good network of other parents that are open to talking about and understanding this behavior, you can easily feel like your kid is the only one in the world that has this problem.
But he isn't! Biting in toddlers is actually extremely normal. But for some reason parents tend to look with more horror on a child that bites then a child that hits or kicks. Although the actual "damage" is virtually the same (gone after a couple of hugs and kisses).
Also, even though it is just wording the label "biter" really rubs me the wrong way. If your son's soccer team lost a few games in a row would you call him a looser? No! I think giving a kid a label like that only adds to the misunderstanding of the whole issue and labels the kid as bad instead of the action being bad.
To be fair, I completely understand the reaction from parents that have kids that are bitten. Especially if biting is an unknown phenomena to them. If my son had never bitten I really don't know how I would feel if he was bit by another kid. In a civilized world it seems wild and barbaric. I completely understand that. But my son just happens to occasionally bite and that forces me to look at it in a different light.
The truth of the matter is, if you haven't yourself had a child that bit, you simply can't understand.
I have read countless of books, articles and blogs about toddler biting. Some really helpful and enlightening and some not so much... it amazes me the comments that some parents have. As if there somehow must be something wrong with your child or that if your child bites it can only be because you, as their parent, simply is too lazy or uncommitted to fix it!
In my opinion part of the problem is unfamiliarity with the issue and under education, even self education. I think most parents can agree that you should never treat a child as bad but rather the action as bad. So why is it that this notion seems to go out the window when some monster child bites your baby. I guess it is our protective gene as parents that kick in. Again a reaction I can relate to perfectly.
So why do kids bite?
There are many theories. My son started biting right after we made a move to another country and left behind everything and everyone he knew and loved. It was a way for him to vent his frustration. Very understandable for a 20 month old.
But why he still bites I can only guess at. Keep in mind he is 2, there is no easy way to ask a toddler why they do the things they do. But one very common theory is insufficient communication skills. Even though he speaks 3 languages and is doing remarkably well at separating them it must be confusing at times to get the right words out at just the right time, especially when you are under pressure. In any case, research shows that biting in toddlers is a normal way to react when his or her communication skills just aren't sufficient to explain how they feel. And biting usually does a really good job at explaining that "this is my toy, I was playing with it and I feel bad inside when you come and take it away from me", or "I don't like what you are doing to me, please stop it".
When there is an episode I can get really upset, especially when it hasn't happened in a while. My husband is really good at talking me down though, and helping me feel that it is something that will pass with time. We can choose to either get really upset and make a BIG deal about it or try our best to deal with it in a calm way. Which is true. Not many people go to collage biting their classmates (and if they do it is usually by choice of some vampire lifestyle...).
Like I stated in the beginning, it is hard being a mom to a kid that bites, and I don't know what I would do without understanding women around me.
All this being said, my son is awesome! There is no other kid on the planet that I would rather have then him. He is energetic, silly, happy and so loving. He does puzzles sings and dances. And he happens to snap at other kids when he feels threatened. We all have our talents and challenges, some are just more easily noticed then others.
So please, if your kid is bitten. Step back and consider the whole picture. Showing concern and understanding for the biter (and his/her parent) is not the same as condoling the behavior.
The action is bad, not the kid and EVERY parent of a kid that bites knows that biting isn't ok.
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